What is going on here?

If you have followed my journal here in the past I know you were not expecting to hear from me again and I was not expecting to journal here again! However, a couple months ago the struggle I had with the temptation to spend too much time on the computer was resolved in a very simple way: Parental Controls - on ME! After giving up the blog I still struggled with being on the computer more than I knew I should and asked my husband if he could do something to help me. That very night he realized he could simply set up the parental controls in a way that I only had an hour a day (during my children's nap/quiet time) that I could access the computer! Although humbling, I knew it was very necessary and oh what a blessing and relief for me! Any additional time on the computer is only possible when my husband is home with him overseeing.
For ANYONE who struggles with wasting precious time on the computer I highly recommend this! If only we had realized how simple this was to do sooner! I likely would have not felt the need to have haul ted blogging here. But, the time away has been healthy.


So, what in the world has happened with me in the last 3 months?? I'm sure those who see me in person - outside the blogger world - have wondered and some have had the courage to express that they were trying to figure out what was going on with me... as they saw me go from 9 months of wearing only dresses to 2 months of hardly wearing them ever and now being quite fond of them again! Thanks to those of you who asked. Here's what has been going on in my world in regards to this topic:

Around the time I closed the blog my wardrobe remained very modest and feminine. I still saw great value in that. But in reflecting on things I became troubled and began to question myself... I realized I'd gone so completely gung ho on preaching the value of wearing dresses but I was lacking in having a sweet and gentle spirit. Had I got completely off track? God made me realize that in getting so wrapped up in speaking up for wearing dresses & modesty I had put the issue of attire before the heart issues. The question before me was "Had my heart truly changed or in the somewhere in the process of what God was trying to teach me had I allowed satan to pull me off course?" Was the whole dresses only thing actually becoming a hindrance for me spiritually? I was a little perplexed.

The following account occurred shortly after these questions surfaced:

I was wearing a long skirt, modest top - dressed all nice, feminine and conservative (as had become usual) and was homeschooling my 3 daughters. One particular daughter was being especially oppositional and defiant that morning. (I see now how much my daughters attitudes were affected by my selfishness for those months). She was pushing my buttons big time and I LOST IT! I slammed both hands down on the table and screamed at her! (uggh!) I went into the bathroom and started balling and crying out to God... Knowing I always am talking to my girls about self-control, responding in love/not anger etc. I had completely blown it and frightened my children. I thought "Lord what is wrong with me? I am failing here... where have I got off track?" As I was crying and praying the Lord spoke to my spirit and said "Joanna, it does not matter how modest & feminine you are dressed today if you do not have the quiet and gentle spirit of a godly woman... then IT MEANS NOTHING!" WOW. Point made. The Lord had my attention.
I then tearfully apologized to each of my daughters (holding the one I'd lost it with) and prayed aloud with them asking God to forgive me for not responding in love and with self control and for not being a good example to them.
As the morning went on and I was thinking of the event just shared the Lord addressed my heart with the following question: "Who do you think honored me more this morning? You in your long skirt screaming at your child OR the woman in short-shorts and a tight tank top who responded to her child with love and grace?"
I was so entirely disgusted with myself! I saw how stuck I had got on the tool God had used rather than the issues of the heart He had been trying change in me. He was desiring that I have a gentle and quiet spirit, a loving and submissive heart, that I be a help to my husband, a loving and nurturing mother to my children, to take care of my home with great care -making it a haven for my family, and to be a warrior in prayer on behalf of my family. I instead was simply being a strong advocate for wearing dresses! I was reminded so loudly through the events of that day that true femininity is much more a thing of the heart than of attire!

I was SO disgusted with how much I had elevated wearing dresses above the changes God was desiring to make in my heart that I walked away from the wearing dresses thing! I had a pretty much complete aversion to wearing dresses for 2 months.

But, after 2 months I realized something; that although I was not wearing dresses anymore I truly still believed it to be valuable, just like I still believed the headcovering to be something of merit. So, I felt confused. If I believe wearing dresses/skirts is of value to me than what am I doing? It is very important to me to live what I believe! I realized that when I was confronted of sin in my heart the day I blew up at my daughter I rashly washed my hands of the whole dresses thing because it represented at that moment a big failure I'd made in not maintaining the right heart. I realized the aversion to dresses those weeks wasn't because I thought it had been something silly and foolish... no I still found it to be something I respected and believed to be of value. Did I make another mistake in forgetting it all?
The day I was sorting out these thoughts and praying about it all to the Lord, I was led to a photo copy someone had made and given me from the book "Transforming Grace" by Gerald Bridges. I do not know where it came from, did not know I had it, and have never seen the book! Pretty neat how God had tucked those pages somehow in my filing cabinet for that very day. I don't know what the rest of the book says but the pages before me were clearly for me that day! It expressed what I was sensing but trying to put into words. What I read talked about the dangers in elevating fences above the heart - which is what I knew I did. However the page read: "Should we scrap our fences, then? Not necessarily. Often they are helpful; sometimes they are necessary. But we have to work at keeping them in perspective..."
In my disgust with myself I rashly walked away from a fence rather than simply getting things back in proper perspective. I needed to realize the serious error I made in elevating the helpful "fence" higher than what God gave it to me for in the first place but, that didn't necessarily mean I should have forsaken the "fence"!

So that is my update for now!
Blessings to you.

Joanna

Throwing off that which hinders... blogging hinders

It is with a little trepidation I write this post. I have felt stirred for a few weeks that I should possibly give up blogging. Not because I no longer enjoy it, not because I no longer care to share my journey but because it is no longer fulfilling the purpose that spurred it's origination.

The purpose of this blog was to journal my journey of running after Jesus. In the beginning stages it did that and was of great blessing. It was good for me to get my thoughts compiled and share my heart. It was a blessing to hear from other women who could relate to things I was sharing and to have them also share their heart. But, the problem lies in that now the blog has become something that actually is hindering my running after Jesus! I have mentioned before that I struggle with finding balance. Although the internet and blogging has been a blessing it has also been the biggest area that satan has used to hinder me from being the wife, mom, and keeper of the home that God is calling me to be! God calls us to do everything unto Him; to do everything with joy and excellence (Collosians 3:23&24) The fact of the matter is my time spent on the internet hinders me from being an excellent wife, mother, and keeper of the home!

Different women have left comments saying what a blessing and ministry this blog is. Thank you for your heartfelt words. I am thankful for any way God has used this blog to minister. I will admit that my human pride makes me not want to give the blog up partially because of those comments. Naturally, it is affirming when someone expresses appreciation for one's writing and finds it a blessing. However, I keep hearing that still, small voice say "Your family is where I've called you to minister first". Even if my blog is touching the lives of other women IF I am not doing what God has called me to do in my own home it means nothing!

God has blessed me with a wonderful husband that loves the Lord and is seeking to honor Him. He has blessed me with three beautiful daughters that were each an answer to prayer. He has given me the blessing of staying home and raising up my children for Him and time to commit to being a help to my husband. If I fail in the responsibility of pouring my heart into being the help to my husband and the godly mother to my children that God has called me to be I will have deeply failed.
I want the following to be true of me: (Proverbs 31:26-31)

"She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

I also have been reminded of the verse:
"When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise."
Proverbs 10:19

There are many things I have boldly shared without hesitation on this blog. I have believed greatly in being transparent and although there is value to that there is also great value in not being a person of many words! People are influenced by what we say and we (I) need to be more mindful of that. Life is an ongoing journey; I will learn something tomorrow that opens my eyes up to something that I did not see fully before when I was running my mouth. I am a very imperfect sinner, just like you! In being imperfect I am certain there are things I have written that were tainted; tainted by my humanness...things in hindsight that I will likely see differently.

On a final note I want to warn you beginner stay home Mom bloggers of the dangers of the internet and blogging:

1) I believe satan has launched an attack via the internet on us stay home Mommas! He is not pleased that we are at home with our little ones, watching over our home. So, if he can get our focus off our children and our home even while we are sitting in it, he realizes he is winning a battle. Don't let him win the battle for your home. Be very careful to not get sucked into the online world. It can start out innocent and become an addiction, an escape that steals precious time!

2) There is a growing tendency for people to seek out "wisdom" from other bloggers rather than going to the Word of God. I have had different women ask me my opinion on things and now have feared what if they made a decision one way or another by my influence. There is nothing wrong with wanting someones opinion but there is danger in basing your own decisions on someone elses thoughts and perspective rather than seeking direction from the Lord through prayer and reading of the Word of God yourself and looking to your husband for leadership and guidance.

I want to seek to honor and obey the Lord with my whole heart and because blogging has become a stumbling block for me (and my words might cause someone else to stumble) it's got to go! I want to run unhindered!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1 & 2

Blessings to each of you. May you press on towards Jesus. May you know His forgiveness, His love, His joy, His faithfulness, His plan for you! You are valuable, made in the image of God. Seek to honor Him in every area of your life.

PS If you would like to leave a comment in regards to this final post feel free to. I will read any final comments. Thanks for coming along on my journey.

In Christ,

Dress Giveaway - winner announced!

Congratulations to Paulina! She is the winner of the "Liv" Dress in the Junee giveaway! Thanks to everyone who entered and thanks to Junee for providing the dress!

Paulina, I will be contacting you with the information to get your free dress!
Blessings,
Joanna

Is dressing up important?

Wow... what a well done article! Although this article is a few years old, I had not read this particular one before: "Dressing Everyday" by Lady Lydia of Ladies against Feminism.

Have Thine Own Way, Lord!

This morning I found this hymn on my mind. It's always so neat how the Lord puts certain songs on our heart, ones we haven't heard in awhile, that He knows are so fitting for a circumstance in our life or something He has been working to teach us.

"Have thine own way, Lord!"
Written by: Adelaide A. Pollard,
Music by: George C. Stebbins

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Thou art the potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after thy will,
while I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Search me and try me, Savior today!
Wash me just now, Lord, wash me just now,
as in thy presence humbly I bow.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me I pray!
Power, all power, surely is thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine!

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Hold o'er my being absolute sway.
Fill with thy Spirit till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me!

My prayer for today:
Lord, I know I have failed in you many times in the last few weeks. Times that I have not been yielded to Your voice but instead chose to do what I wanted; Times I chose self over surrenderance. Lord, forgive me, wash me and fill me. My prayer is that I become willing clay completely surrendered in your hands. ~ Joanna

I thought the following video was such a good example of what we so often do. We want God to help us, yet we don't want to do it His way; we think we have a better plan. Then when we are further down the road we realize His plan was the best and that we didn't see the whole picture. (turn off music player at the bottom of the blog before viewing)



Blessings,

A poem for those enduring trial

I read the following in an old Christian pamphlet that my sweet, deceased Grandma sent me over 12 years ago! The pamphlet is called "The Value of Trials" By Mrs. Judson A. Elliot. It is unknown to me who the author of the poem included is from. I thought it was such a good reminder for times of trial and wanted to share.

"He's helping me now - this moment,
Though I may not see it or hear,
Perhaps a friend far distant,
Perhaps a stranger near;
Perhaps by a spoken message,
Perhaps by the printed word;
In ways that I know and know not,
I have the help of the Lord.

He's keeping me now - this moment,
However I need it most;
Perhaps by a single angel,
Perhaps by a mighty host;
Perhaps by the chain that frets me,
Or the walls that shut me in;
In ways that I know and know not,
He's helping my crown to win.

He's guiding me now - this moment,
In pathways easy or hard;
Perhaps by a door wide open,
Perhaps by a door fast barred;
Perhaps by a joy with-holden,
Perhaps by a gladness given;
In ways that I know and know not
He's leading me up to Heaven."

Isn't that beautiful?

Junee "Liv" Dress Giveaway!

Ladies,

I am so excited to get to feature Junee's "Liv" Dress today!
I LOVE this dress! It is one of those great dresses that you could wear for so many different occasions.

It is gathered at the waist with a tie that can be tied in the front or back and gracefully falls to mid-calf - 27" from the waist down. Not only is it beautiful it is so comfortable! This dress comes in brown (as pictured), black, gray, or purple.

The extra exciting thing for you is on behalf of Junee I get to give one away this month!
To enter the Junee's "Liv" Dress give away I am hosting here is what you need to do: go to the Junee website and choose which item is your favorite, comment about it after this post and you are entered!
Want a chance to have your name entered twice? After doing the above, also do a short blog post about this giveaway on your own blog and come back and leave another comment providing the link to your post.


A name will be drawn for this months winner on the morning of Monday, August 17th.
The winner will get to choose which color from what colors are available in their size.

*Please note - Junee is providing the dress free, the winner however will be responsible to pay the $7.00 shipping cost to Junee. Please do not enter if you are not willing to pay the shipping cost. Thank you!

A discontent heart doesn't see the blessings & beauty around it

I love change. I am always looking for something new to learn to do, something new to grow in my garden, a new way to move the furniture in my house around, a new pet to get, a new state to move to... you get the idea. This deep desire for change and adventure/new challenges has been a struggle for me at times. For example in each of our homes we have lived in, after 3 years I was completely ready and looking to move - to the point of being obsessive about it.

This past month that urge hit me especially hard again and really sent me into a depression like I'd not been hit with. This ongoing desire to move was greatly increased due to the fact that my parents are in the process of moving from Indiana to North Carolina. I have a very close relationship with my parents and have always lived in the same state as them, so them moving is a huge change in my life. I was desperate to move to Tennessee or N. Carolina! I love warmer weather and mountains. I also love land and the country life so I figured if we moved we might finally get the acreage I'd dreamt of! Tennessee would take me to the mountains I love and closer to family; North Carolina would take me to family I love and closer to those beautiful mountains! Either option was a win to me. But staying where I was wasn't an option I wanted to accept!

I knew I was not doing well emotionally or mentally. I was so desperate for some sort of change it was like a sickness! I had asked friends in my small group to pray for me to have contentment! I desperately needed God to open my eyes to the beauty around me and give me contentment here - if that's where He wanted me. Well, God does not fail. He answered in a way I would have never expected: He sent a messenger all the way from Georgia to tell me what I needed to hear! The story follows:

A dear friend of mine moved from where I live in Indiana to Georgia a year ago. She recently emailed kinda last minute and told me she was going to be in town and could she stop in and visit me. I was excited and honored. In the short amount of time I got to know her before she moved she became a dear friend to me. One of those friends where you just feel like they get something about you that not everyone else does. I was so happy to have her and her children come visit. What I didn't realize was how God was going to use her so directly to speak to me in regards to my struggles.

She did NOT know I was struggling greatly with discontentment living here in Indiana. Much to my surprise, she began sharing how since returning to visit the area she was struggling with missing living where I do in Indiana! As she was talking, in my head I was thinking "WHAT? You are in beautiful, sunny, Georgia and you miss this??" She went on to say how beautiful the sky was here and how in Georgia she has the hills but because of them you don't really notice the beauty of the sky! I was taken aback by this. I was in awe of what she was saying because you see I'd never really taken much notice of the sky here. I wanted the hills and mountains! I wanted out of here and she was missing being right where I am. While sitting in my backyard she was also telling me how beautiful it was and how it would be prime real estate in Georgia; how the yards in her area are so small, and how she doesn't have any flowers in her yard yet and I am surrounded by them in mine. Once again the Holy Spirit was being very direct in getting my attention. I struggle greatly with wanting more land and not wanting to live in a subdivision. She also talked about many things in the area that she missed, some of which I'd never really thought about. Later as she was walking through my small laundry area to head outside through the garage she said how she missed having that space between the garage and kitchen; that you step right into her kitchen in Georgia directly from the garage. I must say I smiled inside at the way God doesn't miss little things. You see, I generally do love my house but often have complained about that little laundry area and the way it's set up! I chuckled inside because I knew God was being thorough in making His point! :)

My friend said how when these thoughts would come into her head about the things she misses God would keep reminding her about being content where He has taken her. God impressed upon her heart to think of what things she would miss about where she is now if He moves her elsewhere in the future. WOW.

The things she said greatly impacted me and made me realize how blessed I am right where I am at. I have since gone out and looked up at the beautiful sky and embraced it rather than wishing for mountains! I have removed the mountain photos from my desktop and google homepage and replaced it with photos of Indiana. I want to embrace the beauty right here that I've been missing when I was busy dreaming of somewhere else! I also was reminded of how much God loves me that He would send a friend all the way from Georgia to my home because He knew He could so perfectly use her to respond to my cry to help me see the beauty where I was!

Thank you Lord! Thanks also to my friend for being used without even realizing it! Your visit was such a blessing.

Thrifty Finds

Thrifty: careful management of one's money or resources; economical; frugality; thriving; prospering.

I had a great time this morning hitting my local thrift store for 50% day! For those who have not yet embraced the idea of entering a thrift store you are missing out!

The following were a couple of my finds:
Love the blouse! So dressy and black ribbon ties in a bow in back.
Price $2.50
Black Skirt - bought previously at the same thrift store.
Price $1.50


Cute brown fitted top. Price $2.50
Jean skirt previously bought at same thrift store. Price $1.50
I was also so excited to find some nice long church dresses for my oldest daughter ~ all at $1.50 each!


Being thrifty is something that is important to my husband and I.
He has always been very frugal in doing our grocery shopping. (Yes, he does the grocery shopping by choice - and I'm not complaining! What a blessing!) We have also come to realize, especially in the last year, how much nice quality clothing and other items we can get at second hand stores. It's amazing how much money is saved! It's clear in the Bible God wants us to manage our money well and I think this is a great way to do that.

God Understands - in the words of a child

Some may have already seen this but I thought it was so precious and worth sharing. Sometimes children comprehend the love of God so beautifully.

(Turn off the music player at the bottom of blog before viewing)

Called to Cover Prayer Request

For those who feel burdened to pray for sisters who have felt convicted to cover their head please be in prayer for a blogger friend named Abigail.
She writes "I have just recently felt convicted to cover my head, among other things, and would greatly appreciate prayer that I may stand strong in this decision. My family and friends may not agree, but I want to do what's right in the eyes of God. Please pray for me, and for my unbelieving husband, as well. Thank you."

If you would like to see a list of others who would appreciate prayer on this matter go the Called to Cover prayer list HERE.
Blessings,

Plain or Fancy?

When God put it on my heart to dress modest and feminine I soon after felt the desire upon my heart to dress more plainly (solid colors, less detail etc); to shy away from trendier, more stylish looking clothing. I know, at least partly, why God put that upon my heart. The reason being was whenever I got dressed, in the past, I was putting on what I was for the attention of others. I was trying to find my identity in superficial things. I wasn't really trying to look nice for my husband or just wearing the items because it was something I liked; It was for the attention/affirmation of the world.

A change has been brewing in me: I have recently began to desire to wear the less plain looking things. As I began to desire to once again wear more stylish looking tops and accessories I felt a little conflicted inside. Was this something satan was tempting me with to pull me away from the things God had put on my heart OR was God giving me the freedom now to wear less plain looking things?

I knew my motives had changed: I no longer was drawn to the stylish things to impress the world but simply because they were things that I thought were beautiful and things that I knew my husband thought I looked nice in. (Although my husband respects the change in modesty he doesn't find the plain look overly attractive.)

I prayed about this. I didn't want to make a change without peace about it. As I prayed about it God kept putting on my mind the passage of scripture in Proverbs 31 about how the woman spoke of (vs 22) "maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple." This didn't sound like plain jean jumpers to me! It sounded like she clothed herself elegantly, with beautiful, fine clothing. God gave me peace that I now had the freedom in Him to wear the beautiful clothes because my motives honor Him!

So, I am delighting in the simple things... like putting on a beaded necklace in the morning, when I'm going nowhere, simply because I like it and feel feminine wearing it! That may sound silly but you see I rarely ever wore necklaces at home in the past. I put them on when I was going out in public - it was the public I was trying to look a certain way for. Today I wear it because I like it and my heart is at peace with God.

P.S. I share this as my own journal of things going on in my heart and life. Do not take any of my convictions or "freedoms" and think "Oh, that's what God must want me to do." This is simply what God has put on my own heart. Seek the Lord for what He desires for you! He teaches each of us differently and uses different things to bring us to where He wants us to be.